In light of the past few posts on what to do when God seems absent, I was reminded of something I posted back in August of 2004 (it was actually the third post I ever made on my blog). It was called “A Father-to-father Connection”:

We have a nine-month-old in our house, and this weekend she was teething. Those of you who have gone through this with your kids can sympathize. There was an excess of drool and an absence of sleep for everyone involved.I had a couple of thoughts while I was walking Amelia around the house in the middle of the night.

First, she has no idea that the pain is ever going to end. For all she knows, this is just how it’s going to be from now on. No wonder she’s got this scared look and sound in her voice. And how often do I go through something difficult and wonder, Is this how life will be forever?

Meanwhile, God walks me around the house in the middle of the night trying desperately to communicate with me: It’ll be okay. This will soon pass. But I can’t hear him over my own panic.

Second, it’s hard when you can’t take away the pain for your kids. It’s perhaps the hardest part of parenting. There are times when all we can do is hold them and try to calm them down by telling them that everything is going to be okay. But we cannot make it stop hurting. And it made me wonder how God felt that Friday when his Son cried out, “Where have you gone?”

God knew that Jesus had to endure the suffering in order to be fully functional (Hebrews 2:10).

I always knew that God the Son suffered on the cross. I even understood that God the Father had ordained it to be this way. But I guess I gained a greater appreciation for what God endured as a Father to secure my place in his Kingdom. And I think we shared a connection, God and I, a connection that went beyond Creator-to-creature. I can only describe it as a Father-to-father connection.

Maybe I am growing up just a little bit. And, oddly enough, for all the energy I spend trying to raise my kids just right (whatever that means), I think God is really using them to raise me just right, too.

There are folks who believe that they can do things that put God under some sort of obligation to do what they want him to do. For crying out loud, most of us have been guilty of acting like that at one time or another.

We think that there is some sort of formula we can use to guarantee that God answers our prayers. Or we think that we can be so good that God has to honor us — after all, God won’t be indebted to someone will he? If you honor him (by tithing or by doing your morning devotionals every single day), he’s got to honor you, right?

But I know people who did all that and still got sick. Then they prayed and fasted and asked all their friends to pray and fast, and they told God, “When you heal me, it will be a great testimony to all the non-believers out there.”

And they still died.

I know folks who prayed and tithed and gave it their all and still ended up getting divorced or filing for bankruptcy.

I know folks who did all the right things with their kids (well — no one does all the right things, but you know what I mean). One kid turns out great. The other kid turns out lousy.

And these people struggle with guilt. They hear others talk about how God answered their prayers. God healed them. God came through in the clutch, just like he always does. They hear us tell our stories of victory and wonder why God doesn’t come through for them. What did they do wrong? Where’s God for them?

We can’t seem to get away from thinking of God as some kind of vending machine. I put the quarter in; the candy bar better come out. We think we’ve got God in a box.

But what do you do when life doesn’t turn out the way you thought it would or could or should? What do you do when you’ve done the right things and life goes wrong anyway? What do you do when God won’t stay in his box and do as he is told?

What do you do when God eats your quarter?

It seems like we’ve been talking about books, books and more books around here. I suppose there are worse things to discuss. Thus far, we’ve not weighed in on Anna Nichole’s death, Britney’s meltdown, the Academy Awards snorefest or James Cameron’s ridiculous announcement that they’ve found Jesus’ coffin.

We might come back to that last one soon, but for now I want to continue our discussion on books that can be used to form us spiritually — books that could be used in a small group setting to instruct us in the three facets of spiritual formation: (1) intimacy with God; (2) community with others; (3) influence with those outside our faith.

I submitted my 10 books that I felt would aid us in intimacy with God. Below are my 10 choices for community with others. Let me know your thoughts:

A Love Worth Giving: Living in the Overflow of God’s Love by Max Lucado

Everybody’s Normal Till You Get to Know Them by John Ortberg

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

What’s So Amazing About Grace? by Philip Yancey

The DNA of Relationships by Dr. Gary Smalley

Relationships by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

Making Room for Life: Trading Chaotic Lifestyles for Connected Relationships by Randy Frazee

Connecting: Healing Ourselves and Our Relationships by Larry Crabb

Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Today is my birthday, and I’ve been given some money. It’s not much, so I want to be careful in what I do with it. I’d like to buy a couple of books (surprise! surprise!).

Here’s where you come in.

What’s out there that I should get?

I posted my list of 10 book suggestions for small groups wanting to learn more about intimacy with God.

But intimacy with God is only one of three areas where spiritual formation shows itself.

Who has book suggestions for small groups wanting to learn more about experiencing community with others?

Unfortunately, I often meet people who believe that God has to do certain things. Because they’ve been so faithful in their tithing or in their prayer lives or with how frequently they’ve attended church or some other thing they’ve done regularly, God just has to….

It’s as if they’ve got God at their mercy now. As if it’s possible to do enough to make God obligated to do your bidding!

My father has preached in the Churches of Christ for more than 40 years. The Churches of Christ observe Communion every Sunday morning, and my father once had a person say to him, “I know I’m going to heaven when I die. I’ve taken the Lord’s Supper more than 1,000 times!”

I’ve had people tell me that the reason churches don’t see more miraculous activity is because we don’t pray with enough boldness. I’ve heard preachers suggest that if we could muster up enough faith to just claim things, God has to grant our request.

I know people who think that if they give 10% to their local church, God will not allow them to remain in debt.

I know people who believe that if they can get enough people to pray, God has to heal their sick relatives.

I know parents who buy into the mistaken idea that if they do everything the right way for their kids (like there’s just one right way!), their kids absolutely will turn out a certain way. God has to see to it.

You know…you can make an idol out of anything. And the journey to idolatry begins when God stops being someone you honor and obey and becomes something you use to get your way.

I’ve recently submitted a reading list to some churches I work with. This list is designed to be suggested resources for small groups to use together as they seek to grow in three targeted areas:

1. Intimacy with God

2. Community with Other Believers

3. Influence with Those Outside Our Faith

I’ve settled on 10 books per category, beginning with more basic and progressing to more and more challenging material. I tried not to include books simply because I liked them but only those that I really believe will help the widest range of people possible. Let me know what you think I’m missing.

A Place for Skeptics: A Spiritual Journey for Those Who May Have Given Up on Church But Not on God by Scott Larson and Chris Mitchell

No Wonder They Call Him the Savior by Max Lucado

The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning

The Life You’ve Always Wanted: Spiritual Disciplines for Ordinary People by John Ortberg

The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey

Your God Is Too Safe by Mark Buchanan

Sacred Pathways: Discovering Your Soul’s Path to God by Gary L. Thomas

The Jesus Creed by Scot McKnight

Hearing God: Developing a Conversational Relationship With God by Dallas Willard

The Divine Conspiracy: Rediscovering Our Hidden Life in God by Dallas Willard

I’m preaching the next two weekends at a church near my home. It’s rare anymore that I get to do more than a one shot sermon; I actually get to develop an idea over the course of two messages!

I’ve chosen a quirky story from 1 Samuel 4-6 — the story where the Ark of the Covenant gets captured by the Philistines.

For those of you who may not be familiar with the story, it goes like this:

The Israelites had an archenemy — a people called the Philistines. These Philistines were sea-faring people, and the sea scared the bejeezus out of the Israelites (who were a thoroughly land-lubbing people). To make matters worse, the Philistines had discovered new technology that the Israelites did not have. They knew how to make iron. That made their weapons way better than anything the Israelites could trot out in battle.

It’s like one side using tanks and artillery while the other side is riding on horses using bows and arrows.

The Israelites go out to fight against the Philistines and get clobbered. They retreat and gather for a debrief where someone gets this bright idea: “Let’s go again, only this time we’ll bring out our secret weapon: The Ark of the Covenant.”

The Ark of the Covenant was a box made of wood and covered with gold. Inside it were the original stone tablets containing the 10 Commandments, some manna and Aaron’s staff that had miraculously bloomed. These were all symbols of God’s abiding presence with his people. Outside the box were two angels, and it was said that God literally sat there between those two angels.

In other words, the Ark of the Covenant was the presence of God.

The assumption was that if they took the Ark of the Covenant into battle with them, it wouldn’t just be their reputation at stake; it would be God’s reputation as well. If they lost now, people wouldn’t just think of the Israelites as losers; Yahweh himself would be considered a loser.

They thought they had God in a box. God stopped being someone to be honored and obeyed and became something they could use and manipulate for their personal interests.

Aren’t you glad people aren’t like that anymore?

Oh…wait….

What are some ways you think Christians today sometimes act like they’ve got God in a box?

I’ve had several people ask me if there is a study guide for Hearts and Minds: Raising Your Child with a Christian View of the World. And the answer is…yes.

Actually, the answer is not quite yet, but it is in the works. My wife Jill (who really wrote a lot of the book — shhh — don’t tell anyone), is busy working on a study guide for individual use or (better yet) use with a small group.

So, if you’ve got a copy of the book and want to order a study guide, leave me a note in the comments.

Also, if you want to order a copy of the book, you can do that here.

If you’ve got a copy and have read it, it would help me out if you’d go someplace like Amazon.com and write a brief review.

Finally, if you’re interested in hosting a parenting seminar for the folks in your community, you can get more info by going here.

Okay, maybe my question was too broad. I got lots of good responses, some more realistic than others. As much as I love Dallas Willard, I’m not sure I’d throw a beginning small group into that deep end! Many of you write as people who have been Christians for a very long time. What about folks who’ve been a Christian for 15 minutes or folks who aren’t even sure if they’re a Christian or not?

Richard Foster’s great, but it might actually push some of those people farther away.

So, let’s try to narrow our focus somewhat and broaden our scope at the same time.

Here’s what I think spiritual formation looks like (and this is not original with me):

Spiritual formation should manifest itself in increasing levels of (1) intimacy with God; (2) community with other believers; (3) influence with those outside the Christian faith.

I’m working on a list of 10 books under each of the three headings. I’ll give that list to the churches with whom I consult as suggested small group materials.

How ’bout we take these one at a time?

If you were to suggest three books (beginner, moderate, advanced) on intimacy with God, what would those books be?